5DP5DT

It's been 5 days since my transfer.  As much as I hate to admit it, I have been testing.  I know that it's too early to see anything.  But I can't help it.  I want to see something so badly that I test anyway just in case.  And even though I know it's too early, I still lose a little bit of hope every day.

Today is also the third day of spotting.  It's 90% light brown.  10% clumpy dark brown.  I want to believe this is implantation bleeding.  But the Eeyore part of me feels that my period is just trying to come.
 
I'm also ridiculously MEAN.  Maybe it's the progesterone, but I don't remember this happening last time.   

Today I went to the Colts game.  It was a great game.  I took a guy from work and was a little bit annoyed because he texted on his phone the entire time.  I'd rather take someone who actually cares about football and watching the game.  You can text at home while you "watch" the game on television.

Alicia is out of town for the weekend and I have been having to find someone else to do my progesterone injections.  I usually go to her house every evening and she does it.  Thursday I worked at my retail job and had a colleague do it.  Friday I was at an "adult toy" party with work people and had a friend do it.  Saturday a neighbor came to my house. Tonight I just didn't feel like going to yet another neighbor's house so I decided I was going to do it myself.  I've sort of done it before.  I did my first one for IVF #1.  I got the needle in but couldn't inject it because the oil was too thick.  Later during IVF #1 I put the needle in and then let my sister inject the meds.  So I figured if I let the syringe warm up enough to make the oil very liquidy that I would be able to handle it on my own.

But I couldn't.  I couldn't even get the needle in.  The angle was just too weird.  So I became frustrated.  I texted the neighbor and told her I was on my way over.  Then as I was getting my coat & shoes on I became mad.  I wanted to cuss.  I wanted to throw things.  I wanted to slam things.  It's such a pain that I have to rely on other people for this. I complained to my roommate and bit my tongue when I wanted to call him a fucking pussy for being so afraid of needles that he couldn't help me.  It's not fair that I have to drive all over the neighborhood every night when my husband should be home with me instead of across the world.  By the time I got in my car I was crying.  And by the time I knocked on my friend's door I was back to normal. 

Damn.  These hormones are brutal.